3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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