Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
