YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
