smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize