I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
