Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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