we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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