watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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