i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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