I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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