i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
