phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
