I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
