We won't sleep together?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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