Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
kristin has been a bad kristin
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
