I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I understand Curling. That high.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
