are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
