I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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