if i can run in heels then i can drive
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
