I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
