Church boner. Awkwardddd
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
