it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
