I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
