I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
