I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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