You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
