I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
