It's Friday. Sex?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
