Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
