loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
