im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
