I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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