i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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