Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize