You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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