I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
