I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
