genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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