MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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