Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
