She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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