Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
