I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
