Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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