i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
