I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
