So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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