I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
