I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
