she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
