The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
