Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
