i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
