New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
