my sisters under your porch take her home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
