My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
