I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
