I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
