fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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