I will die if light touches me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
