you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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