Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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