So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
