also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
