it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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