That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
