So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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