Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Randomize
