I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
