I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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