she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
