I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
