Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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