Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
