your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
