Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
